Blurry Eurovision

I've always watched Eurovision with a combination of admiration and frustration. It's amazing to see so many singing acts in one place and to see different cultures represented (sometimes) and to see the world change. On the other hand, I get practical experience balancing my path of love for humanity vs. my ethnic pride. I've come to the realisation that it's okay to be happy about what I'm made of, to be happy and pleased when people who share my heritage do something good. And I promise I'm not just saying that because maNga placed second in this year's competition. Really.

Bu and Jane enjoy these kinds of things, to see bits of where they come from. They were both cheering for Turkiye this year even though they're a bit German on Meat's side. We were definitely maNga fans this Eurovision. It was great to be silly and tell them "Granny Facts" about the competition: "Why when I was a kiddie, we didn't have any Bosnia-Herzegovina in Eurovision" and "Russia wasn't even allowed to think about participating until after Perestroika". Bu was saddened to see little (ummm, no?) representation by Arab-speaking countries and I originally thought it had more to do with the lack of clothing worn by some participants rather than the requirement to show the programme in its entirety...including Israel. Considering the kids have a little of both sides in them it's something they've learnt to deal with and accept. And we were happy to hear that Qatar's throwing their hat in for next year.

I've never been really in touch with music that's popular in Europe, or Eurovision for that matter...Bucks Fizz??! (yes, I am that old) Celine Dion? But sometimes I connect, as in the case of the amazing Sertab Erener and the second-place finish of one of my favourite singers, Ofra Haza and Chai. But never have I felt so out of touch as when Lena's Satellite won. There was absolutely nothing about the song that resonated with me. I've been told that my precise statement was, "there are no words to express the absolute suckage of this song". With such a field of fantastic songs, it was a bit of a disappointment. Thankfully, I won't have to listen to it on the radio here because, even if it does cross the Atlantic, I don't listen to english-language radio.

If I were in charge of Eurovision, here's how the finals would look*...

1)Peter Nalitch & Friends (Russia): Lost & Forgotten
2)maNga (Turkiye): We Could Be The Same
3) Giorgos Alkaios & Friends (Greece): OPA
4)Daniel Diges (España): Algo Pequeñito
5)Harel Skaat (Israel): Milim


*note: judging criteria is based on what songs would I (1) pay for -and- (2) put on my MP3 for continual listening enjoyment.

Part of the fun in watching Eurovision is watching it on channels broadcasting in languages I have no idea what they're saying. Belarus did an amazing job covering the finals and I loved the travelogue bits in the breaks. The Romanian broadcasters got particularly happy whenever their entry got points. Cute.

I think it would be lovely to see something along the same lines here in the Americas, a meeting of the music minds. I'd lobby for regions or provinces to be represented, to add to the pot. Wonder what the entry from Trinidad/Tobago would sing? Would Cuba boycott? Would we see the superstars in American music brought forth the same was we've seen in Eurovision? Would Juanes represent Colombia, La Ley Chile, Juan Luis Guerra (one of Meat's faves) for la Republica Dominicana, El Potrillo, Mexico or the incredible Ricardo Arjona representing Guatemala? I'm way out of touch with Canadian music since I no longer live anywhere near there so seeing what's going on in their music scene would be refreshing.

I'm already looking forward to next year's Eurovision and wondering what changes the world will have seen by then too.

The Myth of the Lazy Unschooler

Lazy, according to Merriam-Webster is defined as being "a: disinclined to activity or exertion : not energetic or vigorous b : encouraging inactivity or indolence" It's a term I've heard used quite liberally by, of all people, homeschoolers, when talking about their objection to unschooling. Or, to use the word in a sentence: "Unschoolers are just plain lazy because they don't want to do the work to educate their kids." I will note that most of these homeschoolers aren't speaking from experience unchooling or by being acquainted with unschoolers. They are talking about a concept that they have no familiarity with. Like..."all Martians are green" kinda familiarity.

While I am sad that curriculum-based homeschooling (School-At-Home) ever used to be a part of my life, it does give me background knowledge of how the system works. As someone who has come out of that system to embrace unschooling, I know those critics who claim that unschooling equals parental laziness are dead wrong.

It's very easy to let someone else do the thinking for you and pay for their curriculum. I daresay it's lazy - you know, the part that's defined by "encouraging inactivity"? What activity does the parent do aside from pull out the wallet and pay for it? Oh, that's right...wait until the kids are done with the lesson and check their answers against the key. Sure takes a diligent parent to do that now, doesn't it?

As an unschooling parent I actually get off my butt and get out in the world with my kids. Rather than faking wisdom I don't have, I admit "I don't know, let's find out" and then go to the library, the computer, the community or the backyard to seek the answers. I learn Japanese, Mandarin, Arabic, Spanish and Turkish. Because my kids are interested in them and/or want to know more of their heritage. I learn anatomy, physiology, herbalism, allopathic practice. Because my kids want to know what's going on in their father's "mutant" body. I learn fractions, geometry, volume and metric. Because my kids want to build with cob, change a recipe, create outbuildings for animals and learn how to communicate with and understand family and friends. (and did you know that the United States is only one of three countries that haven't adopted the metric system??!) I learn veterinary science, wildlife behaviour/habits, human and animal nutrition and earth science. Because my kids want to take care of their rescue animals, be kind to the animals that share our property, live with the seasons and eat to nurture their bodies. I learn ancient history, Asian history, military history, American history and state history. Because my kids want to know how we as a human race got where we are and be aware of where we're going. Because they want to know why the country they live in is the way it is. Because they see the state and want to know why a name is a name. This is only a fraction of what each day is like for me. Learning, exploring, living life and gaining wisdom for continuing on as we go.

We prefer to find out the answers ourselves and experience things first-hand rather than believing what someone else has to say about it. For every textbook that claims to have the answers, there are double that with different ones. Truth is what you find when you live it yourself, talk to the people involved or see it in person. Accepting for truth what's read in textbooks doesn't encourage action, it encourages laziness. It doesn't encourage the student to see the facts or truth for him/herself. You're not being an active, involved parent because you compare curricula, haul your kids to Homeschool Play Day and get them involved in Scouts or Awana. That's sitting on your butt, letting other people do the hard work. Really.

As I've said before, my kids never say they're bored; my kids are never bored. Period. The only kids I've ever heard say they were bored were School-at-home kids, kids who were educated "on the outside" (public and private school) and homeschooled kids whose parents insisted on feeding them every bit of "learning" they got. That encourages laziness, that encourages inaction and unwillingness to seek answers or life for themselves.

Rather than buy into the myth of the lazy unschooler, I hope you'll either give unschooling a trial run -summer's the perfect time to give it a shot if you're one of those curriculum-happy folks- or get to know some unschoolers in person before making a judgment.

It's All the Fun Part

Are you living with the idea that you have to endure work or The Boring Part in order to get to The Fun Stuffs? Have you ever had a day that seemed to take forever and all you looked forward to was having some fun or relaxing? Have you ever had a day that seemed to take forever and you were never able to get around to having fun and relaxing? Have you ever told your kids that it's tough but they just need to slog along until The Important Things are done?

This is where I tell you I don't believe in any of that.

There's a brilliant Seth Godin quote that goes "Instead of wondering when your next vacation is, you ought to set up a life you don't need to escape from." (it's probably the only thing I agree with him about).I've lived my life this way for quite a while, long before I ever discovered the quote. Does this mean that the toilets never get cleaned and nobody ever puts petrol in the car? Of course not. People seem to think that setting up a life you don't need to escape from includes having lots of money and servants. Because we all know that rich people never feel the need to escape from their lives, right?

We don't need to be miserable and mistakenly believe that it is being "responsible" just to go to work to earn money to buy things you probably don't need anyway. I definitely have a lot to say on that subject and will soon.

In case they might be able to help you, here are some of the main things I do daily to keep lovin' my life. Because it's all the fun part. If we put off enjoying ourselves and cherishing our loved ones until we "have the time" then it will never happen. And the world is full of people who are fragmented and abjectly miserable because they keep slogging away until they get to the fun part. Which rarely ever comes.

*I choose what I want to do. I want to stay at home and share life and learning with my kids. I refuse to be demeaned or guilted by anyone else over this worthwhile choice that makes me happy. I'm no less of a woman or feminist because I think changing diapers, unschooling, growing food, etc is noble. Nor am I a slacker because I'm not out earning money for what I do. What I do is valuable, whether people I know agree with me or not. Choose what you want to do and be sure it's what truly makes you happy. Choices mean sometimes you go without or do not take an opportunity. It's impossible to have it all so make the choices you can live with.

*I take responsibility for my choices. Again, it's about making choices I can live with. If I'm at home rather than outside earning money, I must accept the down-side as well as the benefits. In my life, it had led to a lot of knowledge and acquiring more skills than I would have had if I'd stayed outside working. I can go without material possessions but I wouldn't have been happy if I'd given up the opportunity to experience life learning with my kids. They are priceless and knowing that I've done everything possible to raise thoughtful people who will bring joy and kindness to the planet makes me happy too.

*Use setbacks and suffering as a means to change. I love Albert Einstein's quote that "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." If things aren't going well for you, try changing something. If your mind is open, suffering can lead to compassion, setbacks can be a chance to develop skills. Don't be afraid to grow, change and become a better person.

*Do the inevitable things with a smile. If you need to do something you find unpleasant you have two choices: (1) do it with a good attitude (2) do it with a bad attitude. If you look at things positively you will do the job more quickly and efficiently. Also, looking at everything as a learning or growing experience can change the way you do everything! What will you miss if you are only narrowly looking at a task? If you find a task unpleasant, think about why you believe that. Often we don't hate doing something but have bought into societal conditioning that the task isn't noble or worthy or that it is drudgery.

*Balance work and rest. Balance is one of the most important things in life. Don't base your existence on the typical work/school mentality that after so much "work" you get a rest. This is the same system that wants to tell you when to eat, when to use the bathroom and when to wake and sleep. It's not a system designed to keep you healthy! Listen to your mind and body. Do what needs to be done, do it with joy and take a break when your body says it is time.

I can honestly say that I love my life. I am thankful to be living the life I have with people I cherish. I have bad days, bad moments, times when I forget what I know to be true. But truly, my life is great. It's all the fun part, all the good stuff, all for real.

Unschooling is Whole Life Living

I love the freedom of Unschooling. Probably my favourite thing about Unschooling is that when particular knowledge is needed, we're free to pursue it. There is no hoarding away "learning" just in case we might need it in the future. The knowledge and learning we receive unschooling is practical, practiced and retained. Historically, that is exactly how humans learned. There was no time to be wasted on quadratic equations or the history of because they were never going to be a part of future life. No pop quizzes or end-of-term tests because living out what you had learned was test enough. Critics of Unschooling may say that learning in this way creates a small field of knowledge or that Important Subjects can be left out. In fact, this criticism should be pointed at curricula-based educational models because they limit learners the most by demanding that every student receive a cookie-cutter lesson plan. There is no individuality and if a student is seen as "weak" in a subject, s/he is humiliated and forced to continue on even if the actual lessons are never learned.

Unschooling avoids this frustration, I would posit that it is because the first lesson an unschooler learns is how to find and learn the information needed. That is how babies figure out how to feed themselves, how to utter syllables and words and how to walk. Despite those attempting to cash in on concerned parents, there truly is no Baby Curriculum because babies don't need to be told how to learn and problem solve! Do we really need physics or to know the Latin root of a word to be a positive, fully functional member of society?

The lie that any educator that wants to see children in a school setting puts forth is that learning must be taught by those trained to teach it. When in reality, everyday living is learning. LIFE IS LEARNING Any child or adult with an open mind and a curious nature cannot help but learn. And the lessons they learn will be much more meaningful and long-lasting than those that were forced.

Learning in freedom, from life brings joy to every day. Rather than reluctant students of useless trivia, we are avid knowledge-seekers becoming and growing each day. By learning in freedom we are able to bypass the obstacles to true enlightenment (peer pressure, others' standards, differences in learning abilities) and focus on truly pursuing the knowledge that will aid us in our lives.

Why, Thank You...I'm NOT Normal

People have a lovely habit of asking me if I do anything “normal”. Why, thank you very much, I am certainly not normal! I enjoy following my interests and spending my time doing things I think are worthwhile. I prefer to eat food that tastes good to me and nourishes my body. I'm happy listening to the music my ears welcome and watch television programmes and movies that resonate with me. I love learning and growing rather than being stagnant and bored. I'm thrilled that I'm following a path that allows me to be at peace with myself.

Do I have much in common with the people who ask if I'm normal? I don't know, since so many seem to base compatibility on the things they see as normal instead of on the things we can learn from one another. But I would lıke to believe that once we got past that, we would be much more alike than different.

Why I'm an At-Home Feminist (and why it doesn't make me any less of a feminist)

When I became a mom, all the hip and happening Mom Magazines featured articles about “The Mommy Wars” - that lovely remnant from feminism that pitted women who felt fulfilled in the workplace against those that gladly chose to stay home and raise their kids. As if humanity needed another reason to argue with one another instead of make peace. In reality there is a lot of self hate in Mommy Battling that we project onto others, probably because we feel pressured into making choices we are not happy with but we women are harming ourselves, and allowing others to harm us with this. I'm sure there's some Meaningful Dialoguing going on somewhere by women assuming William Buckley poses and taking a few extra beats before they answer. Surely there must be. Maybe they are even making progress and healing the damage.

What I have encountered personally is anything from scorn to open hostility when I assert that being a feminist at home is every bit as valid as being a feminist in the workplace. I have even been dumped by long-time friends because they disagreed with my choice to stay at home and didn't want to hear about my life. I don't propose to solve The Mommy Wars here but after thinking about feminism for over 20 years there are some thoughts I would like to share. It's possible that my views and beliefs are shaded by the fact that I grew up in America in the 1970's -1980's with NOW and ERA on the news but not really explained as to how they applied to my life. My step-mother was seen as a feminist but actually lived her life in one long amazing act of self-interest. Because I have no therapist, and have to wing it on my own, I'm sure this subject will be addressed at some point in time. Oh, and for the record, I am totally against bra-burning because (1) I see no need to wear one in the first place, (2) burning a bra is disrespectful of all the hard work another human (probably a woman) has put in for her 3 cents a day. (check your labels, ladies!) (3) Most bras these days are made out of nasty fake material and burning one would likely pollute the planet.

Sadly, we live in a world where convenience is king (queen?) and it colours most aspects of our lives. Without thinking, we've relegated many important roles in our lives to complete strangers for the exchange of a few dollars. We women are losing the last remnants of the True Power we had in the world so we can break through the Glass Ceiling. Many feminists have forgotten that we women used to be the cornerstones of our communities and earned this respect without having to challenge men in the workplace. Many have no idea that at one time we were seen as the Holders of Knowledge in the Things That Really Mattered – practical wisdom, all aspects of food, medicine... and that much of the remaining Knowledge we had after the advancement of Christianity was willingly given up by women ourselves in pursuit of being Just As Good As Men.

I asked myself many questions about what a feminist was. I tried to look at every angle and take long looks outside the box. After getting down with my bad feminist self and reconciling a lot of misinformation and bad education I received (and continue to hear) about feminism, the choice that makes the most sense to my life is to live my life based at home doing everything I can to assure that my kids will be making a difference in the world they will live in. It's also much easier to make a lasting impact in the community when I live what I talk about.

Here were some of the main ideas that solidified my decision to be a Home-Based Feminist:

When women outsource our child care, we lose valuable teaching opportunities. We aren't feminists because we Go Somewhere, we are feminists because that is What We Are. I'm a feminist changing diapers, running a business or pumping gas. Every interaction with our children is an opportunity to show them what a feminist is. When they see how we conduct our lives, interact with others and address issues, they are processing the concept of feminism. They see whether we are a bunch of hot air or do we actually live our lives by the beliefs and principles we claim to have.

When women outsource our children's food, we lose the chance to bring health and healing to our kids. The best way to avoid HFCS, GMOs, cruelty and disease is by growing and making our own food. How can we be feminists and eat chocolate brought to us by child labour, fruits & veggies brought to us by migrantes and meat farmed on land that was once another woman's tribal home? Is feminism only applicable so long as it is our experience we are talking about? Or is feminism truly acting for the behalf of all women? We have sick kids today because we are putting non-foods into their bodies. Teen girls are being diagnosed with osteoporosis, our daughters are suffering menstrual irregularities and disease because of the foods they are putting in their bodies and the products they are using on their skin and hair. Why? Because we outsource our food and “beauty” products rather than teaching our daughters how to make them or that they aren't important.

When women outsource our children's education, we lose the chance to give our children freedom and open minds. Sure, we can show them by our actions, but does the time you spend with your schooled kids come anywhere near the time they spend at school or with friends? Ever wonder why your kid likes that lame pop singer or started using a specific word or phrase? Why they stopped liking broccoli and began asking for different foods? Somebody is going to influence and impact your children and if it is not you it will be someone else. Additionally, there has been much hype about girls not being encouraged in maths and sciences or other fields that have been seen as The Domain of Men. The best way to give your daughter an opportunity to choose her own path is to unschool her. Let her learn on her own steam and choose what she delights in. No pressure, just living and learning the way humans do best. The best way to assure your son will grow up to be a man who respects women is to let him live and learn among them. What can the guys at school offer him? Booby magazines, cheesy pick-up lines, male-bonding sports (really, just Intro to Jingoism 101) and internet porn? What can you, your family and daily experiences offer him? Hopefully a hell of a lot more than that.

When women outsource our children's health care, we lose the chance to have fully healthy kids. I'm not talking about Medical Emergencies or Acute Issues here, if you have a need, go to your doctor. But we parents are indoctrinated before our child's birth that the only Keepers of Health are the folks in white coats housed in stinky buildings with annoying flourescent lights. Simply not true. There is much health and healing you can provide for your own child at home. Most healing happens when we are able to rest, eat properly and allow our bodies to do the fixing. With more freedom and flexibility we are less likely to knee-jerk and give a pill or pharmaceutical potion for the “problem”. By spending more time with our kids we know the difference between a simple tummy ache and a Serious Concern. When we have to take time off from work to Deal With It, we also pressure our kids to get back to school even if they are not fully healed. Surprised that your kiddie got a bug at school? It's likely because some other mother couldn't take the time off to have her kid at home, the kid didn't want to stay home alone or the kid was afraid of missing something big at school. None are especially great or valid reasons to spread germs and put others at risk.

These are just a few of the reasons that I chose, and continue to choose to stay at home with my kids. If given the chance, I would do it again and with more genki. It would be nice if my Work Outside Feminist sisters could read this and simply accept the fact that I am choosing my own feminist path. It would be nice if I gave a bit of encouragement to my At Home Feminist sisters as well. If each of us make well-informed, well-reasoned decisions we hopefully won't feel defensive or insecure. By fighting the Mommy Wars we are wounding our sisters and keeping ourselves from the truly important work: raising the next generation of humans who accept and respect each other regardless of their sex or label.

While I've always thought of myself as a feminist, feminism to me has never been about women doing what men do - or whether we do it better or not. Honestly, I don't care if I measure up to a man. Or for that matter, I don't care if I measure up to a woman. There are too many variables involved in judging ourselves against others that it's futile. I can only be the best me that I can be. There is only one Nezumi and it's my job to be the Super-est Super Nezumi that I can be. Changing, evolving, growing, transmuting...Becoming every day. Why bother to even try comparing myself to anyone else? I think that's why so many people are unhappy in so many aspects of their lives.

Feminism, to me, is about the glory of women. What we can do, what special, amazing abilities we bring to the world. How are we glorifying women when we repress the things that make us so unbelievably unique just to do what men have chosen to do? Why should I be shamed because I can give birth to, nurture and educate my children...people who will one day be making important choices on and about this planet? Equality for women should not hinge on them doing the same work men do. It should be about women receiving equal credit (in every aspect of society) for their abilities. Their unique abilities. Not for how we can most mirror men.

I know there are people who won't understand what I'm saying. I think the words "feminist", "feminine" and "equality" are probably pretty loaded with semantics for many. Sadly, I believe there are a lot of women who are just as harmed and hurt by the feminist movement as they were prior. Because we still haven't achieved balance.

I'm a woman and I'm proud of that. I don't want to ever be a Second Class Man, nor do I want to be Just Like another woman. Maybe that makes me an Individualist?

Why Being a VegHead and Unschooling Aren't Separate

What I'm going to say here might offend or irritate some of my abolitionist vegan or animal-rights vegan friends. I hope their minds are open enough to receive it but this is something I've wanted to address for a long time. The bottom line of this is that children deserve freedom, love and compassion too. Kids need to be free in their natural environment. If you became a vegetarian or vegan because you don't see animals as "lesser beings" then I would ask that you please give the same consideration to those who are being forced into schools and universities against their wills. We often treat children as sub-humans or humans-in-training instead of giving them respect as the full humans they already are.

In The Real World, people are fragmented and fractured. People give up trying to piece all the parts together and just fill a few roles, and this is something they project onto their children. The Real World says that school is a separate entity from home life or summer holiday and that learning is something achieved only by sitting in The School Box and receiving Learning from Mama Bird Teachers who moosh up all these Heavy Educational Concepts and feed them to the Baby Bird Students. Because most of us who are sending our kids out to school or sitting them down to learn with purchased curricula at home were once publicly or privately schooled ourselves we see this as Normal. Maybe we've even forgotten how binding and restricting we ever felt school was, or how much we hated to get up the mornings or how we never wanted summer to end. I think most of us ended up dealing with is as Something to Endure and took the best with us. That speaks more of the resilience and perseverance of human creatures than it does of the goodness and necessity of the school culture.

But the thing is, in the same way that a factory farm isn't the place for an animal, neither is a factory school (or factory curriculum) the place for a child. Of any age. School is not the natural environment for kids to learn or live. In fact, it stifles, represses and harms. One of the reasons I originally became a vegetarian was because the though of animals stuffed in amongst each other, in fear, being treated cruelly broke my heart. As time went by and children became a serious consideration, I realised that school and it's authoritarian curricula were absolutely no different from a factory farm. It truly was very much the same as a veal crate or batter cage. What school did was force children out of their natural habitat (the family) into an environment populated by people with agendas and rules governing natural bodily functions. When you wake up. When you can eat. What you can eat. When and what you learn. When you use the bathroom and even how clean that bathroom is. You cannot leave this environment unless given permission or until The Authorities tell you that you can leave. When you are given freedom, it is to yet another structured environment - either the playground, school activities or home. And even home is regulated with homework, school projects and early bedtimes so kids aren't too sleepy to learn the next day. There is little to no freedom at all for a student, no say over how his/her own life is lived. Only compliance with what their parents or educators dictate.

A private school or school-at-home might seem like a better compromise. Less cruelty, in many situations (Montessori, Waldorf, etc) children are treated with a little more respect and open-mindedness. School-at-home allows kids the "freedom" to learn in a less competitive, open environment. In many ways, this is similar to small, family-owned farms or families that raise their own meat for slaughter. The animals may receive a bit more kindness and interaction than factory farmed animals. They may have access to open pastures, fresh water and cleaner stalls. But the end result is still that the animal is a Secondary Being and will be slaughtered. Its real existence has been simply for us to consume it. It exists for our own personal purposes, not because it is a living being put on the earth to live. When we prepare our children to be sent out into The Real World we are, in essence, preparing it for slaughter, we are preparing it to suit the purpose we brought it into our family for, not the purpose he or she is here to fulfill.

Yes, this is only my viewpoint. It's Just My Opinion. As one who has chosen to be vegetarian and vegan in a country that sees meat-eating as not only normal but a human right, as someone who lives among people who believe that animals are property for us to use as seen fit (ie: consumed and treated poorly) I have answered countless questions, been derided and mocked or what I believe. I understand that not everybody believes that animals have feelings, thoughts, ideas and emotions of their own. I've had years of experience with a variety of animals and know that to be a fallacy. They feel pain, emotions and fear. They feel love and can be kind and thoughtful. Yet I understand there are people who cannot comprehend this. But to my vegetarian and vegan friends who aren't unschoolers I would ask them to please step outside of The Schooling Box and give the same thought to their children that they gave their decision to give up consuming animals. Be willing to question your motives and beliefs, be willing to stand up for what is right when others might not understand. Please, just think about it.

I cannot separate the reasons I became a vegetarian (then vegan) from the reasons I unschool. Life is precious. Living creatures deserve freedom. Living creatures deserve life.

May 18

It's May 18! Maybe if you weren't in Washington or Oregon in 1980 the day won't mean much to you. But every time May 18 comes around I think of Mount St. Helens and coming out of a movie theater to a crazy world. Even though we were a few hundred miles away, ash fell from the sky, the roads and other surfaces were covered and my stepmother had to drive us home from the cinema with her head hanging out the window and a scarf tied around her nose and mouth. Once we went back to school there was no recess and we were issued those cheap masks for standing in the bus queue.

I still have a little bottle of the ash. Feeling particularly crafty, my stepmother gave me an old candy sprinkles bottle that I filled with the ash and she attached a ribbon and a small fake flower to it. Very stylish memento indeed! 30 years later it remains proudly displayed with my other treasures in my room.

Fellow hockey fans will appreciate that May 18 is also the birthday of my favourite hockey player, Jari Kurri. I started my hockey fandom in awe of the amazing Edmonton Oilers and indeed I do value the unsung, non-celebrity heroes. The Oilers were an incredibly fluid team, thanks in great part to Kurri's talent. I particularly loved watching his interaction with Esa Tikkanen...yeah, while everyone else was watching Gretzky.

Happy May 18 everyone!

Boxing It In

I'm sure it's just my natural freakishness but I have a hard time communicating with people. I tend to ask "how?" and "why?" and "what do you think?" and I mean it. There's a lot of superficial talk and conversations going on and those questions don't really fit in. Ummm, well, unless it's someone who has Always Done Things This Way and they're asking me why I do my freakish things. (you know, the whole vegetarian/vegan, non-GMO, unschooling, life-learning, non-Christianity, home-based things. In that case it's always okay to Ask The Freak Uncomfortable Questions)

I also notice that unless they're able to put a concept In A Box, sometimes it's hard for people to grasp an idea. Sure, I have mind pictures when I hear words like "house", "food" and "school" but when I'm talking to someone else, I'm pretty sure their ideas are their own (or at least certainly not the same as mine!) and I want to clarify what they mean so I can understand them better. Maybe that was something I was born with or maybe it's a survival mechanism I've developed after being with Meat for 20 years. Semantics can make a huge difference in your conversations, people! Most people seem to be really happy in their boxes. And really uncomfortable when asked "why" or "how". Because, well, I must be pretty stupid if I don't get it that things are done THIS way because they've always been done THIS way. What's wrong with me that I don't get that simple idea?

Sometimes it is easier to talk to people on common levels: the weather, the price of whatever and other, simple and safe topics. But it really makes it hard to be anything more than an acquaintance with many. I think life is more interesting and full when I question what I'm doing and why I'm doing it. It means that I'm frequently changing and altering how I do things and what I believe. It also alters who others perceive me as but I think of it as growing into a Newer Me.

In Which I Talk About Being Bored

I'm not bored. I can't think of a time since I was a child that I've been bored. There's always something to do, if only we are willing to look around.

Funny, when I was a kid I used to get bored. Since Aniki was much older than I, I never had a sibling to play with. It got pretty lonely and when I wasn't in school with all that Socialisation I found myself sad and with nothing to do. Before I went to school there was always something fun. Kids to play with, games to make up. Once school began it was all Games With Rules and team games. Nobody wanted to pretend anymore or explore anymore. Life got boring quickly.

It hurts me when parents share that their kids say they're bored. Or when parents say they can't wait for summer holiday to be over so they can send their kids back to school. To me, that's an indicator that kids haven't been allowed the freedom to not know what boredom is. Because when we're free to learn and explore the world, rather than be put into a Learning Box, then there is no boredom. When we are led by our interests and curiosity, there's no reason to be bored. There's always something interesting to do! But when we put children into school they are conditioned to believe that life is supposed to be fed to them constantly. What else could we expect when we tell them what time to get up, when to go, what to "study" and when, when to eat, when it's ok to use the bathroom, when it's okay to take some exercise, when it's okay to excuse yourself from class, when it's okay to go home, when it's okay to sleep...you get the idea. We take young children and knock all the sense out of them in the name of Learning. Which isn't learning at all but conditioning for society! The worst part of it is that parents complain when their kids react to the surroundings they were put in by demanding the same stimulation when they're home.

These kids aren't bored, they don't know how to think for themselves or initiate activity for themselves!

I'm so thankful that I've never heard either of my kids say "I'm bored". They know that life is too interesting to be boring. For them, there's not enough time in the day to squeeze in all their interests. There's simply not enough time for them to be bored.

I hope you'll give the gift of freedom to your kids today and every day. Unschooling isn't lack of learning, it's the freedom to learn every minute of the day!

Why I Suck at Social Media

I'm a yappy person. I love chatting and have so many interests I'm bound to connect with anyone about anything. I seem like I'm cut out for social media. I love chatting with my friends, meddling in their apps and the quick responses. Of course, we're talking about me, so I really love the add-ons and fiddling with things to make my little corner reflect my personality.

The one problem I didn't expect to have with social media is that...well...real life often takes over my world and they get ignored. Sometimes for a day or two, sometimes for a week. Sometimes longer. Because, I'm busy, you see? I'm out there living and having fun. I'm learning and having bad days, I'm baking bread and playing Scrabble with my kids. I'm having PMS or making a cup of tea. And all of that is much more important than logging in and checking up on my cyberplace.

So I guess you could mark it #epicfail for me and social media. But really, I'm glad because it means I'm cherishing the people and things that matter the most. Not talking about it and living vicariously through others.

I hope you cherish those who are near to you!

Success

I've recently been thinking about the word "success". I've never really thought about it much in my life, that's probably a benefit from being an outsider to a culture. I tried to fit in with what was considered "successful" in school and ended up happier when I followed my own interests and instincts.

Sometime, probably when Meat and I were spending our time being crazy hippies and having fun, people we knew who used to be equally Irresponsible turned themselves towards "success". Not Success as in: meeting challenges and overcoming them. Rather, Success which many seem to translate as: Pursuing lots of money and social esteem. Likely with the whole house, cars and trappings as well. But when I run across these people or see their pictures, most of them don't look like success has made them happy. They look rushed, stressed and...um, miserable. Over time, the people that believed that success equals a good job, lots of money in the bank and a family holiday every year kind of dropped out of our social circle. I admit that sometimes my feelings were hurt, as if we didn't quite meet their standards. After all, I didn't mind them being different from me, I just saw it as having diverse interests. I wasn't any less educated or intelligent because I chose to pursue life from the home outwards rather than the workplace inwards. Why should they be unable to bridge the gaps? But I could see that the ways we approached life once kids came along was quite different. By necessity, they needed more approval from their chosen societies to make their lives Successful. I just needed to play with my kids and have fun. Yes, it happened in society...at the library, the farmer's market, local shops, exploring nearby towns and our little corner. But yes, I can see how different our worlds were and are.

And now we're all in our forties and when I run into a contemporary or see them on a social media site, I'm often shocked. I want to ask them: Are you successful? Did you reach your goals? Did you get what you wanted? But most of all I want to ask them: Are you happy? Do you know how to be happy anymore? Or did you change your definition of "happy" and "success" to meet someone else's standards.

I wanted to get Meat's take on this: "Success if making a goal and following through with it. Sometimes it's difficult but I feel successful when I finish what I set out to do." Of course, Wembler that I am, I had to consider the question from every angle...but isn't it successful to even have tried to achieve something, even if you do fail? Isn't it success to get out of your comfort zone and try something new?
We agreed that it is big enough to include that too.

I think for me, success is making decisions you are happy to live with. Not decisions you can live with. But making decisions that make you happy to be alive every day. Sure, life is going to have bumps and times that feel unbearable. Hopefully the decisions you make won't contribute to that load. As for my own world, I feel very successful being with my family, growing and preparing our food, learning more, more and MORE, sharing my home and love with rescue animals and doing what I can to make the Big World a more clean, peaceful and joyful place.

I wish you joy and success in your life!

In Which I Talk About Unschoolers and Food

I'm one of the blissfully ignorant unschoolers who didn't bother to watch any of the recent television coverage of unschooling. I've heard about some of it but my general approach is that watching a programme about a subject done by or reported by people who don't do it is really not productive. I know about unschooling, I do it every day. It's my life. Not just my kids' lives, my life too. I unschool. I am still learning. I didn't stop on Diploma Day, I kept right on going. I doubt I would learn anything from television coverage of unschooling other than exactly how biased the reporting is and how rude non-unschoolers are in piling on the hate. And who really needs that anyway? Those of us who openly unschool deal with it without all the extra hype.

One subject I've seen pop up in Twitter or forums from those who are unfamiliar with peaceful living/parenting is the issue of food. Apparently someone, somewhere heard, or maybe saw, some unschooling kids eating candy. Maybe lots of it. I heard it was because the kid wanted candy. Probably wanted to eat lots of it. Gawds, like that never happens in The Real World. This is something Terrible and Scary. This is Bad Parenting. This must be Stopped at all Costs.

Fine, so let's just look at this a mo', can we? People are worried that possibly, some unschooling kid/s somewhere, is/are eating a mountain of candy. And they're not worried about the public/private/homeschooled kids that do? Because....? Because parents who have their kids in public/private or homeschool are more, ummm, responsible than unschooling (ie: Real Lazy) parents? Or am I missing something here? Because, as I have already mentioned, I don't really groove with the whole Mainstream Thing.

While I have little hope in Lemming Society as an entity, I kinda, sorta think that most people actually observe what's going on with their family, friends and around them. Meat thinks I'm giving most people too much credit. I live in hope that the Consciousness Level is rising and will continue to because, well, Enlightenment is a Nice Thing. I have already mentioned that my Freakishness Level is pretty high. I'm not arrogant to think I've achieved Ultimate Freakishness, but, well, from my experiences, I get it that I'm fairly abnormal. Compared to the average sit-n-school, ship-em-out parent. And of our friends, most of them eat pretty nasty stuff. Candy. Soda pop. Box food. Frozen food. Convenience food. Sometimes lots of it. This is the adults, mind, so the kids follow the example. Haute cuisine for most of the people we met when Meat was military was tinned soup and box macaroni cheese. if they ate any veg, it was tinned, lifeless veg, looking more like a science experiment than something picked from a garden. I got tummy ache just listening to the candy and junk my sister-in-law feeds the kids she lives with. So, what I'm saying is, from my observation of Real Live People We Know, these people feed their kids junk! In real life, we are the only radical unschoolers/life learners we know. I've chatted with many online, but I'm not sitting around their family rooms with them seeing how they truly live their lives. Like you aren't hanging in my kitchen with me. Whether you believe me or not (and I suspect this will have much to do with your political/religious leaning...) here's how we do things on Planet Nezumi:

While I respect the concept of letting kids choose whatever food they want to eat, and in fact, we practise it regularly, there are certain foods that never darken our doorstep. I may be kicked out of the Radical Parenting Club for this but I'll take my lumps. I come from a tradition that the foods one puts in the body are put there for the purpose of nurturing, healing and strengthening. Sure, there's room for pleasure eating but a body raised with natural foods enjoys the foods as they are. My chocolate-loving son marveled the other day, "we really don't need cake or cookies if we have fruit. It's delicious enough on its own." (no, I didn't pay or bribe him to say it).

Therefore the following foods (as far as it's within our power) never hit the trolley:

1. Foods made from suffering. No meat or commercially farmed dairy/eggs. Only fair trade or from farmers we know.
2. Foods made from chemicals rather than foods. We grow a lot of our own and buy foods that have identifiable...ummm...food names in the ingredients list. No dyes or preservatives, no spewed soy stuffs.
3. Frankenfoods. No GMO's. No growth hormones. If it wasn't in the food 5,000 years ago, I don't want it in the food now. I don't support agricultural monopolies anyway so there's no need to mass-spray or genetically modify food to protect it from insects or make it grow prettier, faster or bigger. I love my local farmers and gardeners who care for their foods with love and sweat.
4. Fresh foods that are out of season. Since Meat isn't totally on the Seasonal Eating Train, this one has some stretchiness. But when I have a say, we don't by the hydroponic tomatoes from the Farmer's Market when it opens in April.

There are other factors involved in what and how much of anything our family eats. Facts, for one. We don't have loads of money so I'm not going to let the electric get shut off because someone wants to eat 20 bags of Corn Fluffies (plus, if they were conventionally farmed they'd be loaded with pesticides, GMOs & cruelty anyway...) The lesson in wanting to eat the whole package of Treats is that when it is gone, it is gone, it is one of the many choices we are confronted with daily. We also deal with some dietary challenges (that we're in the process of healing) to keep folks healthy. But certain foods can be seriously harmful to individuals. So no matter how yummy it is, it's not worth diminished health or serious illness. Again, Bu & Jane are aware of how these foods impact their systems and understand how their bodies react.

I guess the moral of this story is that we're all individuals and we do things differently. Just because all the Mainstream Folks we know live off of junk food, doesn't mean that everybody does. And just because we try to eat kindly and healthfully doesn't mean all Unschoolers do. We're unique and have lots to learn from one another.