For a billion different reasons, publicly recognized holidays aren't special days for me. When I was young, holidays were whenever my father was home. When my father died, holidays were endless tests of endurance with people who weren't related to me and acted it. When I was on my own, holidays were days of peace and quiet. And when I got married the cycle started from zero again as holidays were whenever my husband was home. As our children arrived and we embraced an unschooling lifestyle a truth my mind had been trying to grasp became obvious: every day is a holiday, every day is a special day. It took years for the idea to fully bloom...seeds were planted when my father died a few days before Thanksgiving, watered when I spent the summer holiday season frozen with the news that I had cancer and sprouted when my husband's car was hit by a city bus days before his spring birthday. My truth learned through those events was that special days may never come so we must cherish the days we do have.
Some of my friends feel sorry that our family don't celebrate specific holidays. It's not like we're party poopers or criticize their choice to celebrate, really it's no different than us not eating meat or practicing a different religion or unschooling. We just do things a little differently. They enjoy the routine and the traditions that come with marking special days. I'm happy for them but don't feel that we're missing out at all. And while we may not observe in the way others do, we do note days that are important to our ethnicity, home countries, countries we were raised in or socio-political causes. But do we only ever have pumpkin pie one day of the year? Get loads of presents on one or two officially sanctioned times? Eat a special cake on the day we entered the world? No, we don't do that. We eat cake when we want to eat cake, and if someone wants plum pudding, stuffing, cranberries, veg mince meat or sweet potato pie, we make it. I've never really liked the idea of giving presents on specific days- if there is something special I want to give a loved one it seems silly to wait for birthdays or christmas to give it, not to mention that there are so many issues surrounding wishing for gifts and building up hopes and encouraging materialism. Since I have lived in the United States, people think that it's a little kooky to be concerned with teaching materialism or consumerist attitudes to my kids - getting gifts is often treated as a right and parents who would prefer to raise their kids with the sense to decide for themselves what they want and if the item is worth it border on the cruel. There are more ways to cherish children than lavishing gifts upon them.
Last holiday season, one of the moms I follow on Twitter shared a story about making pumpkin pie with her daughter. The daughter wanted to eat the pie once it was cool and was sorely disappointed that the pie was to be eaten a few days later. While I appreciate the value of learning to wait for something, I kept thinking, 'it's just a pie, for crying out loud!' We get plenty of lessons on learning to wait for things we want, yet there are vitally important lessons we can teach by letting our kids have something they do want, too. Sharing a tiny slice of a freshly-baked pie with your daughter teaches her that she's important to you, and she gets to enjoy the results of her work. That can create a forever-memory for both mother and daughter to treasure. That's precisely why I make my family's favourite meals every day. It's why we get presents any time of year. It's why we balance fun things with the work. Because every day is special. Every day is precious. Because today may be the only day we all have together and it would be a pity to save up all the fun for birthdays, christmas or thanksgiving. Love is made to be shared every day of the year in the little ways and the big.
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